Please give advice please?

I'm 17 bought to be 18 I have been in about 3 relationships my entire life and none have lasted for more than a month my friends always ask me do you have a boyfriend when was the last time you have dated someone and I always feel ashamed when I say it the thing is I know I'm not ugly and I know I don't have a horrible personality I am annoying and can be immature but not enough to push people away I just always hate it when I get into the relationship cause it always feels bad he starts to hoover and won't stop touching me all he wants to do is hold me which isn't bad but it's not fun I can't be goofy make joke with friends it just feels like what I liked about him is gone I love cuddling I love being close to the person I like and I also love it when I know he is paying attention to me but I just feel like those things should be normal with friends and the other stuff should be for when were alone I want a BF but I want him to be able to be my BFF to I'm just confused and I don't know ifI'm ever going to find a relationship that feels right